There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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