so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
