I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
