1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You made out with two different species that night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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