She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
