Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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