I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
