How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
