We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
