In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
