I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
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I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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