so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
