I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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