There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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