Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
