i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
