Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
