Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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