maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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