No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
