We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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