How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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