She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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