So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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