Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
