Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
