shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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