Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
