im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
