Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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