so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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