At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
