my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
pray to the hookup gods
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
