I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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