I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize