I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
