By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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