His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
