They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
