uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize