My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
