I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
