grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
