mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
