I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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