He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
