My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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