Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
