That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
