I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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