My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
