Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
