hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
