he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
