She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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