Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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