there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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