Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
tell me about the fingering
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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