I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
