Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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