When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
