put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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